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The 15 top mistakes I made with my firstborn that I refused to make again with my second child.
As a new parent, you are destined to make many mistakes. I mean, parenthood is all about trial and error and there is definitely not a cookie-cutter formula to raising children. Every child will have different needs and every parent will go about raising their new bundle of joy in their own way.
15 Mistakes I Made as a New Mom
No sleep training
This is the one that I kick myself in the butt all the time. With my firstborn, he did not sleep through the night until he was about a year old. It sure was a long year of middle-of-the-night wake-ups. He eventually grew out of the middle of the night wake-ups on his own but we could have been sleeping through the night sooner.
You can learn how we Sleep Trained our 6-Month-Old in only 3 nights!
Rocked to complete sleep
This definitely coincides with the no sleep training issue but we chose to rock my firstborn to sleep every single nap and night. That also meant that if he woke up when we tried to put him down, he would cry and we would start the rocking cycle over again. As much as I loved those cuddles, it led to long put-down times and frequent middle-of-the-night wake-ups when my son realized he was not being held anymore.
We still rock our second-born, but she gets put down awake (most of the time). You can read more about how we Sleep Trained our 6-Month-Old to go to bed awake and sleep through the night.
Napped on me or nearby
Oof! This one! Please listen when I say to do your best putting your child in their bassinet or crib for their naps. I promise that it will make for better sleep, longer naps, a more rested baby, and a more rested mom.
At 10-months-old, we started transitioning my son’s nap from our chest or stroller to his crib. It was hard work but after he learned to sleep in his crib for his naps, he was better about nighttime sleeping in his cribs and eventually slept through the night.
Let breastfeeding failure affect mental health
The main driver for my postpartum depression after the birth of my son was his inability to latch and feed effectively, ultimately leading to my inability to breastfeed at all. Not being able to breastfeed my baby was the last thing I thought could go wrong. You can follow along with my exclusive pumping journey and read why I chose to formula feed my second child.
I made a solid effort not to let any breastfeeding failure affect my mental health with my second born and when she struggled to nurse as well, I was mentally prepared for the next step.
Stressed too much about milestones/weight
It felt like every time I went to the pediatrician they were hounding me with questions such as:
Is he crawling yet?
Has he been eating solid foods?
Is he sleeping all night?
Any time I felt like he wasn’t fitting their schedule, it panicked me and made me feel like my son was behind. The biggest thing with my son was his weight. Mind you, he was a little 6-pound newborn who was only 19 inches long. He was never a big baby, to begin with, so the fact that he was not in the 95th percentile for height and weight should not have surprised anyone.
I remember always leaving the pediatricians thinking my son was behind and it would stress me out. He quickly grew into a thriving toddler who could eat all day if you let him!
My second born recently weighed and measured smaller. I just nodded and did what they said but did not let it bother me. I knew she would catch up and be where she needed to be, and she did.
Brand new everything
I know it is exciting to buy brand new baby things but save yourself money and take the hand-me-downs. I cannot stress this enough! With my firstborn, we bought so much stuff, and honestly, he did not need all of the brand new toys and shoes (that don’t stay on anyways).
If someone offers to give you something, just take it. You never know what could come in handy down the road.
Never prepared for outings (diapers/wipes/snacks)
There were times I would leave the house and not have enough formula, diapers, or wipes and I would have to run back home. As my son grew older, I quickly figured out that our bag needed a drink, snacks, diapers, wipes, extra clothes, Tylenol, etc. Always be prepared for a full day, you never know where your day will lead you!
This is the diaper bag that I use and this easy formula and snack container help with storage for your day out!
Listening to everybody’s opinions
Everyone always has their own opinions on everything, especially other moms. I already said it loud and clear at the very beginning that every child has different needs and every mom does things their own way. What works for one does not work for all.
Now when I hear someone else’s opinion, I just smile and nod. I am pretty non-confrontational, so you won’t catch me snipping back saying “mind your business” HA!
Ignoring my marriage
Having a baby is such an amazing thing to happen in a relationship. You always promise one another that nothing will get in the way of your marriage but quickly you find yourselves drowning in the formula, late-night cuddles, and piles of laundry. For my husband and I, we did not completely let our marriage go, but most of our “downtime” was spent catching up on house chores.
Date nights are becoming more scarce and all of our affection reaches our children.
One new thing that we decided to do was to get a babysitter at least once a month on a Friday or Saturday to spend time with just the two of us.
Other things you can do to keep your marriage alive are:
Take a long weekend away without the kids
Keep a marriage journal
Watch a movie together after the kids go to bed
Hang out by a fire after bedtime
Date Nights
Check out these 101 Date Night Ideas!
Comparing baby
When my son was 3 months old, he was not rolling over yet. My best friend had a baby less than a week after me, so both boys were practically the same age. We would get the boy together frequently and I noticed that my friend’s son was rolling over.
Instantly, I felt like my son was behind and that he should be doing this too. I stressed about it, tried getting him to roll over, and when he didn’t roll over I figured he was already behind.
BIG EYE ROLL PLEASE!
Never compare your baby to other babies. All that does is make you feel like something is wrong when most likely there isn’t. If you have concerns about your baby’s progression and growth, reach out to your pediatrician.
Just for some clarification on our situation, my son rolled the next day with no problem. I stressed for nothing and would never stress about something like that with my second born.
Thinking I needed to record everything (put the phone away)
Needing pictures and videos of everything is the definition of being a millennial. Hi, that’s me! If you look at my phone, I have upwards of 15,000 photos with the majority of them being my kids.
You should definitely take lots of videos and photos of your kids, but if you choose to enjoy the moments, the laughs, the first crawl or step, and the first bath, I promise you won’t regret it.
I have recently become more conscientious about putting my phone away and just enjoying my babies more. Your children will notice your presence.
Giving foods they aren’t ready for
Well, we learned this the hard way. At 10 or 11 months old I figured I would let my son try a veggie chip stick. I thought he would be ready and it would melt in his mouth. I was so wrong and he choked. He just was not ready.
I have never done and never would do baby-led weaning. This is not because I don’t think it is a good idea, I just fear gagging and choking way too much!
With my second born, she was still gagging on thickened foods around 9 months and I continued purees until she did better with that. She has improved so much in one month of trialing thicker foods. Her pediatrician told me she needed to learn to eat solid foods and if she didn’t, then she would need occupational therapy.
No thanks, ma’am. She will eventually get there but she just wasn’t ready. Within weeks after that visit, she has been eating solid food really well and has completely transitioned from pureed foods.
If your little one isn’t at solid foods yet, you can learn the Best Baby Items for Feeding Baby to help you get through that stage in your little one’s life!
Not picking my battles
If your little one listens really well, has minimal tantrums, and seems like a heaven-sent angle, they must not be a toddler yet! No really… it is coming.
As my firstborn grew older into a three-nager, he has learned to test us as parents and push boundaries. These are both completely normal behaviors by the way. However, I remember getting so upset fighting my firstborn on every little thing. I just wanted him to be the best-behaved kid there was.
I reached out to my cousin who had 3 kids of her own, and the one piece of advice she gave me was to pick my battles.
So here I am telling you to pick your battles. You won’t win them all I promise. Sometimes ignoring an action says a lot more than raising your voice.
Picking which bottle HE was going to use
I would highly recommend holding off on putting a bunch of Avent or Dr. Brown bottles all over your registry. If you choose to do this, I wouldn’t open and wash them all so you can return them if you need to. Your baby is going to choose which bottle works best for them.
I put Avent bottles on my registry and neither of my children ever used them.
If you choose to breastfeed and are going to pump at any time, you could start with the bottles that come with your pump. This makes for easy milk collection.
Adding unnecessary things to my registry
You are about to be a new mom, you see all of the cute baby things and nifty gadgets you can get, and before you know it you are adding a hundred things to your registry.
That is me, I am the “new mom”.
I added so much stuff. Luckily I came across a list of necessary baby items before I finished and realized I didn’t need all of the extra jazz.